"...it is not true that when the heart is full the eyes necessarily overflow, some people can never manage it, especially in our century, which in spite of all the suffering and sorrow will surely be known to posterity as the tearless century. It was this drought, this tearlessness that brought those who could afford it to Schmuh's Onion Cellar, where the host handed them a little cutting board - pig or fish - a paring knife for eighty pfennigs, and for twelve marks an ordinary, field-, garden-, and kitchen-variety onion, and induced them to cut their onions smaller and smaller until the juice - what did the onion juice do? It did what the world and the sorrows of the world could not do: it brought forth a round, human tear. It made them cry."

Günter Grass: Die Blechtrommel

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Resistance is Futile

Forget that this is the well known intro line of the Borg when confronting those resisting (or perhaps maybe it actually applies here).  This resistance is my own–my resistance to schedules, order, discipline, authority and obligation.  The futility is obvious.  Schedules, order, discipline, authority and obligations are part of the social network and they smooth over relations between people, plants, animals and other objects we interact with.  But the obvious drawback is that these schedules and obligations, this order, discipline and authority exert control over us, and over time I have come to realize that I dislike any form of control.  Ultimately, Picard resisted the Borg–right?


It starts in childhood, “Clean your room!,” “Finish your dinner!” “Don’t play in the mud!”  “Aw...but I like playing in the mud...,” you think.  What I’m really talking about here is “free agency.”  We all resist anything that restricts our free will.  Its clear, certainly, that there must be laws to protect us from the free agency that some would use to preempt our own liberty–to halt dictatorial practices.  In theory, enlightened societies are built on institutions of order and consensus so that all benefit from the fruits of organization.  But in the end we love our weekends and vacations–n’est-ce pas?  And why?  Because we can say “to hell with getting up at 6 a.m., to the I-15 speedway, to the petty little work expectations, and to being “on task” and “socially gracious.”  We just want to play in the mud, eat cookies for breakfast and leave our clothes in the dust-bunnies under the coatrack if we feel like it.

Resistance to routines and obligations has become so ingrained in me over the years, that I find myself being the “devil’s advocate” in conversations (which is admittedly annoying when it becomes predictable).  I find myself avoiding social functions and schedules–refusing to do even optional tasks and routines that I established for myself.  I find myself sometimes resisting things I actually love to do–simply because I resent the pressure of having to do it.  If you are still confused about what I am getting at here, its that I am resisting writing daily blogs.

I write this blog for no other reason than because it seemed like an interesting pastime that I thought I would enjoy.  And I do.  But.....  (here’s the rub), with the blog comes the damned pressure to maintain it.  “Blogs need to be daily!” “Stop complaining and just do it!” says my alter-ego to my ego.  I did write daily, for the first week or so, during which time I developed a good deal of respect for bloggers–at least bloggers who write well.  It takes a good long time!  Hours and hours of writing and editing.... It becomes a “commitment”....egads!

Over the Labor Day weekend while I was eating some cookies for breakfast my ego and alter-ego were in negotiations about this dilemma, and we’ve come to terms.  I’ll be writing the blog when I feel like it–but I will be writing it.  And ok, I’ll TRY to do it at least every few days...in-between my forays into the mud.
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